Certain people are dirty sluts. Will I be fired for telling people that no matter how long they complain, they are not going to get what they want? Having my boss be one of my best friends makes terrible behavior really tempting.
The scorpion looks like a mistake of nature. Have you seen how it walks? It can barely drag itself across the desert.
This winter has really got my balls in a vice. Seriously, it reminds me of the Lewis Black bit where by the middle of February, you want to slit your wrists just to see some color. I want a firm commitment from somebody to go halvies on bouncy castle rental to celebrate once the warm weather comes back.
Lindsey and I are planning a trip to Tennessee during spring break to see my brother’s baby. I’ve always wanted to bring a friend home with me cause of all the stories I tell about the town and my family and I want to prove that I’m not making this shit up. Brian didn’t seem to impressed with any of it until he realized you could buy fire works there. I think Lindsey will be more appreciative of things like when my uncle showed up to my brother’s wedding in a kilt and when my other uncle got so drunk at the reception that he got up in the middle of the night naked to pee and couldn’t find his way back to the bedroom, so he just slept in the hallway.
I’m thinking of taking her on a tour of some of the high points of my childhood. And maybe I can finally get some prints of my uncle’s civil war re-enactment wedding.
yee haw!
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