I ran like I was being chased by a barra-barracuda

My 5k training is coming along nicely. I'm running 11 minutes and walking 1. Next week I should be straight running.

Word of advice about running in Spring Grove Cemetery: don't ever run on the trail that leads you past the infant section or you might have to nonchalantly run past a young couple praying into an empty stroller. Talk about awkward. I ran faster than I ever have before.

Well I got one of the kids at work to stop calling me ma'am every time he talks to me. I had threatened to put up a swear jar and make him put a dollar in it every time he let a ma'am slip, and I think it worked. Being 7 to 8 years older than almost everyone at work is hard enough without them acting like they have to respect their elders around me. Now he tells me how great I look every time he sees me like he's trying to make me feel better about my aging figure. Can't win every battle, I guess.

We had a man call the store today asking if we were having any "going out of business" sales, it really brought morale up.

Brian and I are having a fight about where the recycling bin should go. He wants it outside because he thinks it's started to smell. I want it inside so I don't have to go outside every time I want to throw something away. He's kept it outside, and I've started throwing garbage in the empty spot where the recycling bin used to be right in front of him while staring daggers into his soul. I think I'm going to win this one.

Call him Cleopatra, he's the queen of denial.

The conference call at work yesterday was pretty interesting. Dov said to ignore all the press about the company being in trouble because IT'S ALL A LIE. Everything, even the articles where he is quoted is a lie. Whew, what a relief!

We also had an incident with a cross dresser. He came in last week. At least 6 feet tall, his tapered, acid wash jeans, white country dad sneakers, and male pattern baldness all tied together with a bra and eyeliner. I wasn't there for the whole story, so I had to be caught up later that his roommates had called ahead of time to tell Leah that they were sending him in to humiliate him for being an asshole. They wanted him to pick up some clothing for the female roommate and try it on because if it fit him, it would fit her. And they wanted to make sure he tried on the frilliest, girliest stuff possible. So I just see this big man carrying around a petticoat and a bunch of lace and walk into the dressing room.

After he pays for everything and leaves, I go to Leah and I'm like, "What the fuck was that!?!"

So she tells me about the people that called before and hands me this card. The outside had butterflies and said, "Your help is such a blessing."

The inside said this: "Thank you sooo much for your help with this sissy-

Petticoat

Skirt

Leggings

Body Suit

The more girly you can find

We got this sissy black pumps (oh boy) This should be fun.

He pops our bra straps like a 5 yr old

Picks up our skirts

Wears our makeup

Treats women like crap (inferior)

A while after the man left, the roommate called back and thanked Leah again for her help and told her that they had packed the man's stuff up and he was moving out. I don't know what's been going on in that apartment, and it seems that they were successful in getting rid of their "sissy" roommate. But if I wanted to humiliate a cross dresser, the last thing I would think to do is get him to dress like a woman. I mean he showed up already wearing a bra and eyeliner, putting on a skirt is not exactly outside his comfort zone.

Bleh. This will not pass muster.

Yesterday, Brian and I found these bugs in and around our house:

It was a pretty exciting Sunday. We went to Sam's club, watched Arrested Development, and dealt with bugs.

My 5k training is coming along nicely. I'm up to 9 minutes of running and 2minutes of walking. I should be doing running only in 2 weeks. I'm not going to show up to a 5k and run/walk it. Everyone will think I'm a pussy and I AM A WARRIOR!!!! RAWR! I made a play list on my ipod specifically for working out and I noticed that all the songs on it have words like war, sword, sniper, fight etc. in them. Turns out I have to get really pissed off in order to work out. Good thing I have a never ending supply of aimless rage in my body that I can summon at will. If I listen to the right mix of music and think about my step-dad enough, I'll be floating on a rage cloud to first place in no time.

Yes that's right, fuck it.

I'm having a beer after a long, hard day and it feels like freedom.The regional manager called a week ago and asked for pictures of the store because Ohio is doing worse than anywhere else in the US. He wrote back a 3 line email with little tips about what I can fix and then that was it. Today he called again saying that Dov wants to see pictures of the store and to send more. Jesus, they act like the whole company is going under because of where I hang the one shoulder dress and what kind of hanger it's on. I've decided not to worry about it anymore. I'll do what I can and that's where it ends. I didn't get a raise when I took on more responsibility and haven't gotten one in the year that I've been back (no one will let me ask for one, even) so they can lick my balls.

Now that that is over, let me share with you a picture of what happens when Brian tries to take a nap while I'm doing laundry.

Just One of Dem Days (Don't take it personal)

Who wants to hear a long, drawn out story about my vagina!?!?!?

I went to Planned Parenthood today hoping they would have an answer as to why my blood pressure plummets every time I have my period, and why I had my period for one day last week, stopped, then had it for two and a half days this week. Well, THEY DIDN'T. But they did charge me $177 to ask the fucking question. I got to go to the surgical center where the same shriveled old man has been sitting with his millions of judgmental signs for years. All by himself with those signs....praying. I get the urge to drive up on the sidewalk and run over all of those self-righteous sandwich boards every time I drive by. Why is it that the only people I ever see protesting outside of those places are old white men? Nothing inside but young black women, but outside looking down their noses at everyone is an old white man who is too busy protesting to adopt any of the children he's hoping to save. It's just my belief that if you're anti-choice, you should be forced by law to adopt at least one underprivileged minority child (preferably with a disability) or shut the fuck up, cause everyone else is adopting from China.

I also think they shouldn't be playing Warm 98 inside the clinic. When I'm wearing a paper gown and waiting for a stranger to violate me for a fee, I don't want to listen to Taylor Swift. Also, the last thing a poor girl who's about to find out she got chlamydia from her ex-boyfriend (who's dating her younger and skinnier ex-best friend now) wants to listen to is an idealistic love song written by a naive 18 year old bean pole who makes $20 million a year. Not helpful. Classical would be the ideal choice. No lyrics, no mental comparisons concerning your poor life choices. And I would appreciate some posters on the ceiling I could read.

COMSUMER ALERT! Brian was going to make some rice tonight that we got from the Whole Foods bulk section and apparently there where some insect eggs mixed in with the rice that have started to hatch. Looks like some sort of moth and guess what, I already ate some.

This article has got me in a tizzy

The comments that go along with it provide some stunning answers to why the company is failing, which I will keep in mind everyday at work while they keep trying to blame the people at the bottom of the totem pole with the smallest amount of power.