Random/I might be bipolar or have had to much coffee

I'm making vegan/gluten free cupcakes for Erica's going away party and I thought to myself, "I wonder if people would have preferred vanilla cupcakes. No, if you're going to eat dessert, you might as well eat chocolate. That's why I lost my virginity to a black man. "

Mother may I?

I was just reminded of an incident where I was fighting with a boyfriend who was schizophrenic/alcoholic/bipolar...blah blah blah. I was winning the fight because he was a fucking idiot and so he asked me if he could use my razor to cut himself.

Like, thank you for asking, but no. What kind of a fucked up emo game of Mother May I is this?

Absolutely Flabulous

I got an Absolutely Fabulous DVD that Erica saved from the garbage. The first episodes were made in 1992 and I have a sneaking suspicion that whoever is designing American Apparel's new stuff is just going through an AB FAB phase and copying everything they see on the show. I tried to take a screen shot of AB FAB for evidence, but it wouldn't work. However, rest assured that the two styles pictured above are STRAIGHT FROM ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. Specifically the episode when Edina turns 40. I've also seen the ottoman jacket on there as well as some of the more colorful spandex tights.

I'm back on the running train for now. Trying to train for a 5k again. I thought that Strike Anywhere would be good running music, and it is. But I stumbled upon the song "Chalkline" which is something I would listen to as a teenager when I felt bad about the way that I looked and the clothes I could afford. The lyrics made me feel more powerful and recognize that the fashion industry, misogynist men, and social standards wanted me to feel powerless and I could beat them by feeling good about who I was and taking my power back. Now that I somehow found myself at the fashion industry's door, I look back at how bad things like that used to make me feel and I feel guilty for becoming a part of it. I justify it by thinking that the best way to change the system is to get on the inside and be a voice for every teenage girl who doesn't feel good enough.

While I was running I imagined trying to make a stir in one of my classes about why our models have to be so tall and thin and why we don't make clothes for everyone to wear. Then I thought about how much trouble that would make for me because she probably feels bad about perpetrating such a fascist system, but is probably in denial about it and will get defensive. I'm sticking with this program because it's what I want, even though I can't even say exactly why. It's going to be a bumpy ride though.

I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E

I realized yesterday that if I posted all my opinions about why American Apparel may be going out of business, it could make for a really funny blog. But then I realized that someone from corporate might find it and I could be fired. YAY!

However, I will be trying to post everyday because I used to write in journals or online diaries almost every day and I really enjoy being able to read back and remember what my life was like or how much I have changed and grown.

Yesterday, I thought that our CEO was starting to act very nouveau riche with the way they are trying to redo the brand. We used to just be a bunch of unwashed tattooed miscreants selling t-shirts and that worked for us. Now tattoos are not allowed, we can't wear sneakers, and all the clothes we sell look like something from Dynasty or a Hall and Oats video. He said yesterday that we should be going for a more Ralph Lauren or Brooks Brothers look. But he's never going to be Ralph Lauren as long as the store is filled with pictures of emaciated girls wearing lace t-shirts with their nipples exposed and when we sell calendars filled with pictures of uncircumcised penises.

Well, off to work!!!!!!